Amiel Landor – Knowing

June 30, 2014 | By | 6 Replies More

I want you to commit to me. I want you to say, “You are the one. I choose you.”

I want to be chosen, like a school girl in the yard staring at her scuffed black and white saddle shoes waiting to be chosen for kick ball. I look around hoping to find someone with compassion in their eyes and a deep understanding of the underdog. Someone who knows I would be an asset to the team, even if my kick is a little off.

I want to be chosen.

I often do the choosing and there is something so deeply ingrained in my feminine psyche that wants to be chosen.

Not rescued.

I have already rescued myself.

More like chosen so that I can sit at your parent’s Sunday dinner while you hold my hand proudly, thinking “This is My Girl.”

I want to be someone’s Girl. It seems so old fashioned, undoing the feminist revolution in one declaration, “My girl.” But I want that.

Truth is, I might not ever get that. I crave normalcy and there is nothing normal about me. I get tired of being an outlier, known ~ heralded, in fact ~ for ‘being out of the box.’ Sometimes I want to crawl into a box and wrap the sides tight around me; visions of a baby strapped against my breast, Christmas in our new home, trips together to visit our families.

Normalcy comforts me when the world seems so layered, complicated, and expansive. I do not always want to play Big, sometimes I want to be small….and chosen.

Amiel Landor is a North Carolina based writer and poet who holds a Master’s degree in Holistic Psychology and is an intuitive life coach. www.amiellandor.com

 

Category: Knowing

Comments (6)

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  1. You effectively capture the complexities of womanhood. Thank you for sharing this piece.

  2. Aine Greaney says:

    Fascinating piece. Speaks to all women.

  3. Joan Leotta says:

    I am always fascinated by how we know. Your exploration is most interesting. Especially intrigued that you chose the format of a prose poem, building links between those two fields, implying by that, we know in many ways!

  4. Lena Ray says:

    Wow, this really speaks to me. I am constantly faced with the paradox discussed here: I frequently fight to maintain a level of independence and yet simultaneously crave the old fashioned compliment of being “chosen” and hearing those words “my girl.” Thank you for so eloquently putting into words the fine line that so many of us try to walk in silence.

  5. Beautiful! How lovely to hear you speak your truth in refreshing simplicity.

  6. Truesue says:

    What a thing we have, these realizings like this. Craving normalcy, gauging society’s inclusiveness or exclusiveness. Wanting to belong. It’s so basic. So hard for some. I know, believe me. Thank you for your writing.

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